• Devi

Note To My Younger Self - When I Used To Hate My Body (What a waste of energy!)

Updated: Feb 14, 2021

I used to be embarrassed about my body. I have big thighs—bigger than my upper torso. Therefore, it is tough for me to wear anything except A-line dresses. I felt that I couldn't wear jeans because they made the difference in size more visible.

However, my friend introduced me to a shop near my university, where they sold women’s jeans with space for the hips. I started wearing jeans, but I would match them with a big, loose top to cover my hips or make my proportions look even.

When I moved to Hong Kong in my mid-20s, my insecurity about my body increased because people in Hong Kong are very skinny and it was tough for me to buy clothes that fit me. Therefore, I could buy clothes only when I went back to my home country or when I went abroad.

In my mid-30s, I took a belly dancing class. It was then that I realized I was not oversized. I was curvaceous. Using the belly dance standard, I actually had a beautiful body. I also learnt that I am a gracious dancer. I slowly gained my confidence back.

And now, at my fiftieth and at size 16, my body shape does not bother me anymore. I walk around in my tight gym pants and tight jeans. This has made me think about the time I wasted resenting my body, refusing to wear jeans or any other clothes because I believed it would make people laugh at me. What a waste of energy!

I now feel a sense of gratitude for my body, regardless of its size, as it allows me to do a lot of amazing things, such as tasting different kinds of foods feeling the wind on my hair, dancing, etc.

So, note to my younger self:

Instead of worrying about your body, you should build your confidence. Be happy. Everyone would like to be part of your world.

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